so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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