all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
