god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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