Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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