getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize