I'm gonna have a badass scar
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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