I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
