I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How naked do you want me to be?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
