I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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