okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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