umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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