I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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