talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
