how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
