the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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