I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
