he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
