i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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