He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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