Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
