I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
