a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Pooping to opera.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
