He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
