Betty ford says i'm here all night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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