the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just forgot I was standing up.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
