i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
