I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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