They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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