I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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