jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
