Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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