It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.