I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.