He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
