Do you still have your period?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong