Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.

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  (310): If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth. http://tfl.nu/s1or
  Replies (14) Good night (1044) Bad night (2700)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

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  (503): So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video. http://tfl.nu/od0z
  Replies (17) Good night (4971) Bad night (774)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet

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  (403): you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet http://tfl.nu/6v3o
  Replies (54) Good night (1600) Bad night (4481)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

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  (403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now. http://tfl.nu/qiaj
  Replies (40) Good night (8960) Bad night (825)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,

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  (325): As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good, http://tfl.nu/ohf2
  Replies (11) Good night (4156) Bad night (1633)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night

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  (636): Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night http://tfl.nu/yir7
  Replies (23) Good night (3387) Bad night (1670)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.

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  (228): Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all. http://tfl.nu/zbn9
  Replies (4) Good night (2109) Bad night (953)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE

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  (604): We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE http://tfl.nu/3jc2
  Replies (4) Good night (1971) Bad night (1805)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.

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  (+64): I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked. http://tfl.nu/59qo
  Replies (5) Good night (3733) Bad night (1043)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.

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  (403): I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally. http://tfl.nu/1q5b
  Replies (4) Good night (1468) Bad night (1168)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.

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  (347): I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick. http://tfl.nu/dk06
  Replies (6) Good night (1257) Bad night (680)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle

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  (727): Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle http://tfl.nu/kzpk
  Replies (7) Good night (526) Bad night (464)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.

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  (575): I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone. http://tfl.nu/i4rk
  Replies (3) Good night (366) Bad night (505)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.

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  (502): I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it. http://tfl.nu/5ytq
  Replies (4) Good night (290) Bad night (467)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.

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  (206): At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights. http://tfl.nu/obl9
  Replies (0) Good night (241) Bad night (249)

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