Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I need a burrito and a hug.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early