Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
