There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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