If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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