Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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