i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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