oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
