At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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