Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
