If that was your dad, he is hot
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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