FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
