My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
