He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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