Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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