why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
