We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
