I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
