At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
