i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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