that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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