We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
