Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
