Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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