roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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