i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
