Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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