ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
