Can Purell be used as lube?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize