my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
